If a person with multiple
personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
When two
airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch
it.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains
real lemons?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told
me, it would defeat the purpose.
