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A Very English Woman Thank you everyone for coming today, both those who knew mum well, and are here because of their love for her
and those who didn't know Mum and are here because of their love for us. Both of these are good reasons for being here because we are here to support one another just as much as we are here to say goodbye to Mum
and celebrate her life. We do this simply by being here together, but also through the words we say, the prayers we read, and the hymns we
sing. I chose the first hymn (Jerusalem) for three reasons firstly it's a good hymn and most people know it, secondly because when I spoke to Mum about her funeral she said she wanted one like Dad's, and we
sang it at his, but thirdly (and most importantly perhaps) because it is the archetypal English hymn.And when I was thinking about Mum's personality, her interests, her values and her beliefs I realised
that the thing that linked them all together was their essential Englishness, and that Mum was above all things a very English woman in the best sense of the word. The English are not a sentimental
race, we prefer not to show our emotions and Mum certainly fitted in with this but to those who knew her well the clues where there to her true feelings, the fact that she had so many close friends
many of whom are here today, the many photo's around the house of her children and our families (especially the many photos of her granddaughters), and even the two old cardigans of Dad's that she kept for all these
years and wore around the house when it was chilly. Not only was her family very important to her but she cared about us far more deeply than she sometimes let on. An Englishman's home is his castle and
Mum's was no exception, she also had the typical English love for gardening and even in her last little courtyard garden managed a wonderful display of tubs and borders whenever we had any gardening questions she
always seemed to know the answer and when we went out somewhere she always knew the names of all the plants we saw. The English love the countryside, this is why Jerusalem refers to this green and pleasant
land most of us like to look at it and walk in it occasionally, and although it was Aunty Shiela who actually married a farmer, Mum did do her share by working in the women's land army in her youth.
The English are also a nation of seafarers, Mark may be the sailor in the family but Mum loved the sea, and she loved to walk along Exmouth sea front and look out across to Dawlish, smell the sea air, and feel the sea
breeze which was why we asked the hearse to drive her along the sea front one last time before driving up here today. The English are adventurers, that's how the empire covered two thirds of the
Globe. Mum went abroad a few times with Dad, but in the last ten years she has been all over the place, sometimes with a friend but sometimes on her own including the famous solo trip to Nepal. Of course she never
did fulfil her dream of travelling around in a gypsy caravan. We're not famous for our cuisine but we like simple food well cooked. Katharine only said on Sunday that no one
could make cottage pie like Granny. Mum also used to do great pastry and a fantastic chocolate cake. The English have not produced many artists or composers in comparison to the rest of Europe, but we have
produced many many great writers we are a nation for whom the word is enormously important. Mum quite liked music, and even did a little water colour painting in her time, but most of all she loved the written
word. We used to play scrabble all the time as a family when Dad was alive, and Mum enjoyed all sorts of word games and puzzles, but most of all she loved to read. She always had a biography or novel on the go, and even
over the last six months at times when she was too tired to concentrate on reading herself she started listening to talking books on a Walkman. The English don't get overexcited about much, including the
Church of England - mostly they're glad its there and would miss it if it were gone, though they don't go regularly now as much as some of us would wish. Mum felt like that and was happy when I announced my intention of
becoming a priest. Mostly, if pushed, the English would accept that there probably is a God (who probably is English!), and they're glad the church is there for them to turn to in time of need. Mum, it has to be said,
was less convinced of this and, if pushed, would say she probably didn't think there was a heaven. But she was happy to have the hymns and prayers at her funeral, and when she asked me to speak here today she knew I'd
end up talking about God a little, because I do believe, as we heard in the Bible passage Uncle Albert read
(John 14:1-7), that "in my fathers house there are many rooms", and
Jesus has gone ahead to prepare a place for Mum there, and ultimately for each one of us, because He never stops loving us no matter how we feel about Him.I've suggested already that Mum was from the stiff
upper lip school of dealing with problems, well she also therefore had the related "mustn't grumble" attitude that helped the English us as a nation get through the dark days of the last war, and helped mum get through
the last six months. Diane was saying to me only last week that in all the time she spent with Mum this year she never once heard her feel sorry for herself, bemoan her lot, or ask "why me". In fact she said
several times how lucky she was in comparison to some others and that there has been a definite silver lining to all this - which included the extra time she has spent with Diane and me, Mark coming over to see her two
weeks ago, and all the friends who gathered round her on her birthday. She may not have asked God to comfort her over this time, but there were plenty of us who were praying on her behalf, and those prayers were
answered in many ways, and especially (considering how ill she was) in how peacefully she finally left us. So we give thanks for that, and we can all give thanks for the privilege of knowing her, as a
mother……..a granny……..a sister….an auntie……… a friend……..and a great Englishwoman |
